


the honour of being the team mom

by someonelikej



Series: Shiratorizawa Family [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Boys being obvious, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Deaths, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Inaccuracy, Loneliness, Mentions of Panic Attacks, Mild Language, Oohira tries his best I swear, Semi Eita - Centric, Shirabu Kenjirou is a Little Shit, Shiratorizawa, Team Parent Semi Eita, Team Parent Tendou Satori, Team Parents, Team as Family, What Have I Done, mentions of eating disorders, team mom semi eita
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:33:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26513731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/someonelikej/pseuds/someonelikej
Summary: There was a time when he hated it.-Or Semi Eita is the team mom.
Relationships: Oohira Reon & Semi Eita, Semi Eita & Shiratorizawa Academy Volleyball Club, Semi Eita & Soekawa Jin, Semi Eita & Tendou Satori
Series: Shiratorizawa Family [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1857982
Comments: 7
Kudos: 120





	the honour of being the team mom

**Author's Note:**

> Warning before reading:
> 
> The story implies disorders for several of the characters, please be cautious while reading.  
> This is not an accurate portrayal.
> 
> Also, I know the whole mum and dad stuff is not really a thing, like they are either the team dads or not. I tend to refer them as team parents it's easier in my opinion. The whole 'team mom' thing was really just me imagining Tendou trying to piss of Semi.
> 
> This is very dialog heavy. I did not plan so much dialog, also the whole story got kind of out of hand. I have no idea what exactly had happened.
> 
> Enjoy the story.

It started as a joke.

A running gag.

An insider.

Something they snickered about during lunch breaks- It was a funny little nothing fleeting around and between them as they sat at their tables. It was just a joke, not out of the ordinary, just a little phrase they said when the rest of the world stopped tuning in on them. It was just poking fun, some good measured teasing. 'Yes mom' was nothing more than a proof of Semi's polar personality when it came to the difference between strangers and teammates, friends.

'Yes mom.' used to mean nothing.

Semi got the title in their first year at Shiratorizawa, it was bestowed to him by Tendou. The red head had started the whole ordeal to keep Semi off his case, the ash blond berating the older for not eating enough, nagging him and making sure he ate. Tendou had not thought it would turn into a joke the team would laugh about, he had not thought it would become a title Semi was partially proud of. It was not what Tendou had aimed for, but now he had to live with the results of it.

Semi got the title as a joke, he kept it for three years.

But there was a time he hated it. A period where he wanted to drown out the words 'yes mom'. Then he had nothing to be proud of, there was no pride in being the team mom.

A time where he wanted someone to look after him and not himself to look after everyone else.

In their second year, he had gained and lost the regular setter spot. He took it hard, not only because he let himself lose the spot, but also because he let his mental problems get the best of him in both volleyball and school matters. The worst of it was, no one seemed to notice and Semi was not good at hiding his feelings at all. To all of this came that Shirabu the first year taking up the regular spot, was for some reason disliking Semi to such an extent the second year stopped trying to get along with him. He sent Oohira if he wanted someone to keep an eye on the copper haired male. He did not need to have one argument after the other. Not when he felt like crying half the time he was around people.

Yeah, Semi hated being the team mom for a majority of his second year. He did not quit it though. He kept on bugging Ushijima to not watch movies with Tendou if he was going for an early run. He kept on nagging Tendou and now also Kawanishi about how they were supposed to eat more. He kept on making sure their captain paired up the first and second year so they could build up inter year friendships and gave Soekawa a chance to help out more. Semi kept on being the team mom, even though he hated every second of it and was slowly exhausting himself.

He hated it. Then somehow Semi had gone missing and a title took his place.

"You think I'm making fun of you?" Semi stared wide eyed at Shirabu who for some reason was mad at him. He was not sure why. He had not talked with Oohira or anyone for this matter about Shirabu's strange behaviour since the summer exams were announced. He had not really talked with any of them since their loss at the nationals a few weeks ago. A poprer conversation was even longer overdue with most of his teammates.

"Of course you are, you repeatedly sent people after me. Fuck off Semi, I don't need anyone to play my mom, so they can feel good about themselves. Just fuck off." Shirabu hissed at the other, glaring imaginary daggers at the second year.

"You think I do this to feel good about myself? To feel accomplished?! You have no fucking clue about me. I hate it. I hate that for some reason I am the only one seeing Morita's panic attacks. I hate it that neither Isobe nor Taketa have enough trust in us to be themselves. I hate to have to make sure not one of you idiots destruct themselves because for some reason no one else sees the signs. I hate being the team mom. I hate having to see you break under the pressure you put on yourself when it comes to school work, closing off and not letting anyone help you." His voice broke. Semi stared at Shirabu, feeling nothing than pain and a seething anger. He had not wanted to be the team mom. He had not even anticipated on being a team parent. Semi hated most people with passion. But obviously, he must love it – in the other's eyes – when he only tried his best to keep up with the title's reputation.

A chocked sob left his throat. Did they really think off him the way Shirabu did? A person which wanted to brag with their good deeds. His vision blurred, Semi turned around to leave, slamming the club room’s door behind him. He just wanted to be there for them, help them, all the things he had failed to do when he was younger and more naïve.

He knew Tendou used food to gain control about his insecurities, which all were tied to his looks. Semi noticed Kawanishi's habit of self-starvation as a form of punishment when he had done bad in school or volleyball. How many times had he measured Tendou's intake just to get the other to eat a tiny bit more. How many times had he talked Kawanishi into eating just a little bit when he had done bad on an exam.

How many more times would he have to do so to make sure they ate?

Semi knew what to look for – he had lost people close to him, to know of the lack of systematic mental health care. Semi had enough experience to search for signs and not for help. They were not all that close to him, he had not opened up properly to anyone but Soekawa. Semi was almost a stranger to most of them, still he did not want to lose them. He wanted to be there the way he had not been there for his sister, the way he had just ignored the signs from his cousins, the way he used to miss the red razors in the school bathrooms, those quite cries for help. He did not want to lose them and he hated that he was the only one seeing all the signs.

Semi sat in the dark of his and Soekawa's dorm room. His eyes closed and tears running down both cheeks. He wanted to help, to make sure they all were going to do fine, to survive. Was he too much? Maybe- maybe he should stop.

 _'I don't need anyone to play my mom so they can feel good about themselves.'_ Shirabu's words were still circling around at the front of his consciousness. It hurt more than the second year could ever admit. He had not wanted to be the mum in the first place.

"I just wanted to make sure you are going to be okay." Semi whispered to himself. He had just wanted to help, after losing the regular spot helping was all he could do. He could get better with his serves and train with the others, but all he really could do, was to help. To look after his batchmates and the first years. What else could he do when he saw all those signs, the adults tended to ignore? When he was the only one they confide in?

There were several knocks on the door, Semi kept quiet. He did not want to talk to anyone. They would not want to talk about his own problems anyways, maybe their own but not his. Yet the door opened and against his better judgement Semi looked up. The stature was tall, taller than average and with the gelled up hair Tendou was easily to dissect through the illumination of the hallway lights. He closed his eyes again, head on his knees.

"SemiSemi why are you sitting in the dark?"

"Don't call me that."

Tendou did not even react to the hiss, sitting down next to his fellow second year. Asking in a unusual heavy and serious voice, "Is it true?" A pause. Semi turned his head to the other. "Is it true, you hate being the team mom, you hate having to look after us and our self-destructive tendencies? Shirabu said he never saw you so angry- I- is it true?"

"Yeah. I hate every single bit about being the team mom. I did not choose to become one, I did not want to become one. Now all I am to you is the team mom, someone who only feels good when they can play mom. I stopped being Semi to you all, I'm only this person who keeps nagging you." He choked on another sob, he was hurting so bad, had for months now. He had witnessed another person crumble under their own self destruction and he was not sure if he could take it anymore. Semi had his mental health go awry but no one had even noticed. It had hurt, of course he had not let anyone get too close, but he was not close with everyone and still made sure to help them. Yet no one had asked if he was okay, not even after he lost his spot. Not even after he tried to talk to them. "It is as if you forget that I can get hurt too."

Tendou looked at his classmate and opened his mouth to prove the other wrong but closed it again. What could he say, he had put the first years, especially Umeda, Shirabu and Isobe onto his priority list right after Ushijima, the other’s he had trusted Semi with. As perceptive he was, sometimes he missed the obvious because he was too focused on the fine print.

"I just- It feels like I am always there for everyone, putting my own problems down for a moment to help others. I’m trying my best to live up to a title I did not want in the first place. Yet when I need a shoulder or want to talk everyone seems to get busy. I don't have anyone Tendou. I have not one person in- or outside this school to confide in. I am just this title to you and who helps me? What am I supposed to do? Who, am I to ask for help and a shoulder? When the doors are closed and no one wants to listen" Semi cried. There, it was out. He felt left alone with all his troubles. He had just needed a shoulder to cry on, a hand to help him further when he was at his own wits end. Someone who realised that being a team mom did not save him from pain and problems. He was far from perfect and Semi knew this.

"I thought you would come to us."

"I tried Tendou I fucking tried. It always ends with me standing in front of a closed door. You all think I am in mom mode or you are busy and later on don't even remember me coming. Even Reon, and Jin is constantly trying to catch up with school matters and out for his scheduled doctor appointments. I stand in front closed doors and I just want to talk."

Tendou turned to Semi. He had? Tendou pondered, not being able to remember the grey haired setter in front of his dorm so he could talk. They had stopped talking altogether aside from lunches and practice, even then. With the new batch everything had become more strained, their current captain had more troubles and Semi had taken on to mother-hen the first years. They had less and less talked the more the year went on, especially after Semi lost his spot. "We stopped talking. We all stopped talking to each other."

"We haven't done a bonding night since second year started. I haven't properly talked with any of you in ages, aside from Jin and even with him less and less." Semi mumbled. He missed their year’s bonding nights, those were always entertaining and often lessened the strains on their different bonds. They used to enjoy night outs, horror movies or karaoke and it let them all relax – if only for a few seconds. Secrets tended to be shared and Semi often felt closer with his batch-mates after a bonding night.

Red eyes were fixated on Semi's face, taking in the sad look, the way he was curled together. How Semi seemed deeply hurt by something. And they had missed it. He had missed it. Tendou prided himself in his observational skills, he could understand Ushijima without the other saying more than a few words, the body giving away the rest. Tendou had prided himself with being able to keep up with the others to know who was doing good and well, tending to take on the parental role if Semi missed one of the younger years. He had not realised that he had missed Semi himself, too focused on others.

“What do you want to talk about?”

“Nothing? Everything?" Semi sighed. "I don't want you to feel obliged to listen or talk to me."

The ‘out of pity or guilt’ was not said, but Tendou understood anyways. Semi wanted to talk without having to second guess if the other only listened because he felt guilty or pitied him. It offended him all the same, Semi knew Tendou disliked to act out of pity. "You know I never would do such a thing. I'm offended SemiSemi."

"I know, it's not like I don't know you Tendou."

"I could have sworn otherwise." Semi chuckled, so typically Tendou.

Tendou stayed for the night, even though they did not talk any more than what they already had said. The next few days were no big difference to before Semi and Shirabu had their dispute. While the first years were hyper aware of Shirabu pissing off Semi, most of the third years had remained obvious towards the tensions between the younger years. Tendou kept on parenting while Semi tuned it down. Scowling a lot more at everyone, even his fellow second years.

"Enough is enough." Oohira says with a loud voice. "I don't care what has happened, but Semi get your act together and Shirabu don't provoke him." They were still in practice and Washijou had just announced their five minutes water break. Semi and Shirabu both stared at Oohira, the tan male glaring back at them, done with the situation their dispute had caused.

"Oohira I don't think you have-" Tendou gulped when he noted the other's gaze. God, Oohira was scary if he wanted to be, still he had to defend Semi. It was not Semi's fault the others expected him to act like a parent, it had not been the pinch servers choice and they all should know this. "It is not Semi's fault. He-"

"Are you blaming Shirabu?" Umeda asked disbelieving never would he have taken Tendou as such a person. His sentiment was what most of his fellow first years felt as well. They had not thought of Tendou to be biased.

"No! Now let me finish! It is my fault. I am at fault for this escalation, not Shirabu, not Semi, well they are partially, but mainly it's my fault. I made Semi the team mom and team parent, and not one of us asked him if he wanted to be the team parent. We just assumed he was okay with it, when he went and played along. Semi hates being the team parent. He only did it because no one else seemed to notice our bad habits, or acted to help us with them."

"Is that true Semi?" Ushijima asked, remembering how many times the other had kept him from overworking himself. Replaying the times Semi sneakily made Tendou eat a tiny bit more, by either talking the other into it or by sneaking him food. How he always took on the task of helping Morita through his attacks. All of this because no one else had taken it up to do so.

“Yes.” In his head Semi replayed all the reasons he had started it, the reasons why he kept on doing it, even though he had come to hate it over the last few months. Even though he had his own self-doubt gnawing on his worth as a team member and team parent. He could not sit back and wait for the others to do something, not after they ignored the obvious signs and red flags, which he had left out in the open for them to see. He could not sit back when he cared so much about this team, his team and somewhat his current family.

Washijou watched the team circling around Semi, Shirabu and Oohira, silently observing and deciding they needed to hold this conversation. He motioned Saito who was next to him to come along, the two coaches leaving the boys to their own devices. When the younger coach later on asked why Washijou left them alone, the older solemnly grinned knowingly.

It was quite, the first years were confused, the second years were surprised and worried and the third years for once took up their job of being senpai's.

"In other words, we relayed on you too much. We all were supposed to look after each other but we gave you the job and run with it, forgetting you would need timeouts too." Konishi summed up the problem, the captain felt bad for leaving the second year setter on his own. They had taken the inside jokes between the second years too serious and now Semi was suffering from it.

Soekawa was Semi's roommate for one and a half year by now, he knew the male better than even Semi could guess. He knew how important it was for Semi to be able to vocalise his problems, especially as he tended to be an open book when it came to emotions. He rememberd Semi asking so many times if he was able to talk, back in their first year. Revealing all those worries about the troubles back at home, the reasons of those many nights the ash blond male spent sleepless. However over the last semester he had less time to talk with the other, the numerous doctor appointments taking up most of his time between, volleyball, studying and school. In a way he had hoped Semi was going to open up to the others to talk to them about his troubles, it seems like he had hoped for too much.

"I am tired of this." Semi said, eyes closed so he would not need to look anyone in the eye. He was tired, as much as he was protective of the others, he was too tired of this. Tired of not being able to talk about his own troubles, of being the only one who seemed to see. Semi was tired of being a team parent. Tired of a title taking up the place he, the human being used to be in. “I am so tired of being a title and not a person.”

Yunohama stared, eyes shining wet and his posture stiff and slightly drawn in, he looked smaller than he was. Semi was the one who pulled him aside, asking if his arm was fine, if he was doing okay in school. Semi had offered the younger an ear for his troubles and Yunohama knew the second year had tried to do the same for the others as well. This Semi – the Semi who was always there for them – hated it? All the smiles, the offers to knock on his door and Semi would try to make time for them. Were those even real?

“So you did do it to be able to feel good about it.” Shirabu sneered. He was proven right and as much as he had hoped it was not the case, the second year did obviously not really care. It was a duty feeling and to feel good about having done something. Semi did not actually hate to see them like this, he hated the fact that he was the only one helping.

“No. Feeling good would mean I did not worry about you. Feeling good about it would mean I do not care an ounce about anything else you have to say. It would mean I only cared about the part which stands out in society. I do care. I worry. I have sleepless nights because I don’t know if I am enough. I am constantly on the edge, with this dread of ‘what if’ looming over my head. What if I did not do enough? What if I missed out on someone’s signs? What if I can’t do this and fail? What if they all end up thinking no one cares, or cares for the wrong reasons?” Semi sounded defeated. He cared a lot, maybe too much. To be there for others, he easily could do that if he liked those people. Semi easily adopted them into this makeshift family he held dearly in his heart. He took some time to warm up to the first years, he had taken a lot of time to warm up with his batch-mates. But warming up and caring for them did not equal in him opening up the same way they did. When they sought out him to talk, those talks were about them and their problems. When he sought out them to talk with them and specifically for his problems, then it was about him. It was just they did not seem to want to talk about him.

Semi wanted to help them, to show them how much he and the rest of the team cared. Semi wanted them to trust him and let him help them through their troubles. Semi did not want to be the team mom or team parent, but he wanted to be there for them. What he did not want is for them to think of him as perfect or only the team mom, Semi wanted to be able to have someone who was also there for him.

"So you will just stop?" Domen asked incredulously. "After going through almost a year of teasing you just pull the line like 'here I'll stop'. After all the effort you put into being there for everyone, you just give up. No one said you had to this on your own baka."

"Well you were not exactly here for me wanting to talk with you were you?" Semi hissed back, standing up so he was face to face with his fellow second year. He was pissed, he had tried to reach out and now it was his fault, when they were the ones who did not react. "Do I need to remind you of the fact that you pushed me out of your dorm more than once because you did not need me to nag right now? You think you were the only one? The first years were out of questions to talk to, they do not need to feel guilty for using the offered opportunity. But you all, you are my batch-mates, I expected at least one of you to let me in and talk. I expected you to at least let me inside- it would have been fine if only I would not have to sit alone in the my room with my thoughts.”

Domen recoiled as if he had been hit. He had not expected such a reaction from the other, but he also remembered saying exactly those words to the other. He had almost forgotten about it, but know it was at forefront of his mind. Three times he had been doing art for himself to work of some steam and frustration, he had not wanted anyone on the team to see it and so he had told Semi off. And one time, he did not know what he had been doing, but he told off Semi anyways. His mouth had worked faster than his brain once again.

Oohira cleared his throat, “It does not invalidate the fact that Domen was right, you do not have to keep on doing this on your own. You don’t have to be the team mom or a team parent, I’d gladly help you out and Tendou did help you out from time to time, I’m sure he’s also on board.” The tan male felt bad for being so harsh on his friend previously. He had sent Semi out too or was too busy going over a part of their lessons to ensure he understood the material. Though when he tried to ask Semi as for why he had wanted to talk, Semi just waved him of tiredly.

“Maybe, we should ask Semi for once what troubles him?” Kawanishi peeped up, he had spent a lot of lunches with Semi, not always talking, but the older always had an eye out for him. Especially on the days when he felt like he did not deserve a bite of the food on his tray. When he could only feel guilty for doing wrong, for not being the poster child his parents wanted him to be. Semi always started to point out the things he did good, that he was proud of him. It was nice to know that Semi had his back, the older looking out for him like a parent should.

This was not supposed to be happening. Semi stared at no one specifically. This was not supposed to turn out like this. Why did everything become such a chaos, why were they all so reluctant with the solutions they offered. Why, why, why-

“Eita, if you’d rather have some of us gone, I’m sure it’s okay.”

“It’s fine Jin.” Semi mumbled. “I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?” Tendou also asked.

“Mhm.” Semi cleared his throat, he took a few moments to consider what exactly he wanted to get out to all of them and what he only wanted the second years to know. “I think what gets me the most, especially this school year, is that you all tend to forget that I am not perfect, not even close to it. Yes, I nag, look out for you, know a lot of stuff I should not be able to notice, those are results of an unavoidable experience. It does not mean I am right and you are wrong. It does not mean that I don’t have rough patches, I fail just as many times as you do, I make mistakes and I also need someone to look out for me. I am not a title, it is supposed to be an honour to be a team parent, not an expectation of perfection and no emotion.”

It felt good. Semi felt a bit freed from the pressure he himself and the others had put on him. There it was, he did not have to be perfect and they should not view him as perfect. Perfection is the most non-existent thing in this world and Semi very was sure about that. Nothing was perfect, not even this one moment were everything fits together and runs smooth, when the set and following spike were a work of art, not even that was perfect. It felt like it, but if you tuned back, you would see all the small mistakes your euphoria made you forget about. Semi was not perfect and it was time the others realised being a team mom and team parent did not change this fact.

“In other words, realise that I am just as much a second year as Yamagata. Half of the time I am just as much of a guessing and walking disaster as most of you. I am barley getting by with bullshitting on my assignments. I don’t hate being the team mom or the team parent, I prefer the latter really. I hate that you tend to put the stamp perfect on me and then expect me to solve all my shit alone, like I don’t need someone to talk to. I need help too. I hate the feeling of not knowing if what I am doing to help you is enough.”

"Oh."

It really summed up the others reactions. Oh. Put all their confusion about their setter’s mood swings those last few months into words. It explained their realisation that they were just as much as fault for this escalated situation as Tendou was responsible for making Semi a team parent. Oh, gave a pretty good description to their feelings. Semi was not giving away the title he held, he was solemnly done with the reputation the title gave him, he was done with them putting him on a higher position, making him less human by default. Oh, summed up their whole collective thought of, 'We need to change.'

There was no more practice for that evening and if Washijou coincidentally managed to sleep in the next day, no one ever mentioned it. The following weeks the Shiratorizawa Academy Volleyball Club went through internal hierarchy changes no one but the coaches took notice of. There were more than once disagreements which had influence on the following practice, but by the next day those seemed to be either forgotten or worked around.

Now, if someone was to asked Semi what his official position on his team was, he would answer setter and pinch server. If someone was to ask for his position on the Shiratorizawa Academy Volleyball Club, he would proudly answer team mom. Then Semi had adopted these kids and yes he was a man and he was not really a parent, but the whole 'yes mom' thing stuck on him and he could not peel it of no matter what. So yes he was the team mom, because Tendou already snatched the older sibling spot and Semi kind of wanted to own up the title which sent him through hell in his second year.

When he is older, he will look back and laugh. Back then he adopted them as his siblings first, but now they are his kids. Semi will be calling Shirabu every evening to keep the younger from working himself to dust. He will try every chocolate Tendou sends, even if he actually dislikes the sweet. Semi will know what each and every club member from his third year on the team is up to, he will be proud that he could keep them close even after life started to catch up to them. Then after all those years he was still in contact with his underclassmen, still checking up on them even after their own graduation. He will laugh, because crying would mean he did something wrong back then.

'Yes mom' used to be a sentence Semi despised in the first half of his second year, he still does from time to time, but now, after having held the title for three years, he knows it is kind of an honour to be a "Team's mom". It is an honour to be trusted by all his Kouhais, to have the full support of his fellow batch-mates on decisions and to know you have an open door and someone who lends an ear if your own troubles start to eat at you. Semi knew he was not actually the team's mom anymore, he was just Semi now, Semi with an open ear for everyone and the need to look after his kouhais and batchmates, because he cared. He could not throw the title away or get rid of it though, there was to much pain and tears involved for him to not keep it out of pure spite, but at least he was back to being Semi and nothing more.

'Yes mom' meant so much more than a fleeting nothing now. 

‘Yes mom’ and being a team parent was so much more now and so much different than from before.

So much more than a inside joke laughed about during lunch.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't hate me, please?
> 
> It is not as good as the other two, but I love it all the same, so please bear with it.
> 
> EDIT: I realise, that this story seems to feed into this whole that being caring for your kouhais makes you a mother, which is misogynist and feminizes men, who have a caring hearts, and puts them in those gender stereotypes. I was not intending to feed into this, plainly because boys are allowed to care without being called “Mom” or “Parent”.
> 
> The story shows how it takes a toll on Semi, who really cares about his teammates but has to live up to this title he did not even want. But the ending made it seem like he was okay with being a team mom and a parent. He is not, yes he adopted them as his family, first as siblings and then after graduation kind of as his kids, but he is not acting in any way as their parent. He is just excessively more obvious with his caring side and embraces it a lot more than the others.


End file.
